Stress and the Mind

Stop for a second. What is going through your mind right now? Is it a bunch of “shoulds?” Are you ruminating over a past conversation? Maybe some self torment? A song? Thoughts of tomorrow and this week? Worries about…..anything? Nothing?

This starts a brief series about the role of stress in our lives, and how it impacts our daily health, healing, recovery, organ systems, emotions, relationships, and longevity. As of late, many of my patients have whispered the same theme: “I can’t get out of my head” or “my brain is keeping me awake” or “I know I should shift my thoughts to be more positive, but I can’t.” The human condition often circles back to a constant loop of incessant THINKING. Myself very much included.

Let’s preface this mental conundrum with a snippet on stress. Remember, stressors will always be present. Some for our own good. Stress builds muscles, resilience, and allows for growth. It serves as a much needed catalyst when we are stuck in patterns of fear, comfort, or destructive behaviors. On the contrary, some stressors are truly life-threatening. Others drone along as an undercurrent of dissatisfaction, victimhood, or Eeyore misery. They drain our adrenals, stimulate inflammatory surges of cortisol, dopamine, and insulin. They contribute to addictive attempts at self-soothing or escapism. Unmanaged stressors deplete life force, slowly whittling away at our precious vitality. To tame this broad array of stressors, our job as we mature in life is to learn to manage the onslaught such that we do not get tossed around against our will. Or at least maintain a slight sense of peace and poise in the midst of inevitable chaos.

Like so many things, it starts with our mind, and in our words. Thoughts and words are more powerful than we may realize. One of my favorite expressions of wisdom is “worry is a misuse of the imagination.” Our brains are an incredible resource, if we train them to work in our favor. Like any skill, this takes real world (and constant!) practice. Mastery is not the goal. Refinement is.

For you parents out there, you would likely not allow your child to run into a store, start breaking all the fragile items, draw on the walls, yell at the clerks, and leave the place destroyed. Yet on the daily, many of us allow exactly this level of destruction to happen in our own minds. We start the day listing our own shortcomings, stuck in comparison or judgment, blaming others, worrying about worldly things absurdly out of our control (being informed does not equal drowning in distress!); the list goes on and on. We would never let those we love speak this kind of toxic stew to themselves or others. Yet how often do we berate ourselves for being messy humans? Mental self-flagellation keeps us stuck. Self-reflection however, is a gift that allows for growth.

So how do we grab that mental chatter dial and turn it way down? With dedicated practice. I had a teacher years ago who said that at first, calming the thoughts was like watching an eight lane highway at full speed. Overwhelming and daunting. But eventually, with practice, it shifts to a two lane country road. The thoughts don’t disappear, but they become observable, manageable, and perhaps even useful.

Start with your words. Learning to cultivate what we say comes first with pausing. At least for verbose people like myself. We have so much to say and so little time!!! Take a beat, and wait. Start doing a word audit for a day or two. Pay close attention to the things you are saying. Are your words potent, meaningful, authentically building up yourself and others? Are they truthful, or are they echoes of deception co-opting what is actually real? Are they creating alignment or sowing division? If they are tough conversations, are they said in the hopes of healing or from a place of anger, resentment, or hurt? Inventory your verbal commentary and interactions. Write down a summary at the end of the day, without judgment, just for observation. Pay attention to patterns.

Now, start to do the same with your thoughts. Begin your mornings with a few minutes of quiet, if you don’t already. Not the phone, not the news, not your schedule. Breathe, notice, check in, feel. Next, move into a few moments of gratitude. Thank God for your day, your health, for waking up, for your opportunities, for daybreak, for nourishment, for loved ones/pets, for the incredible design of our bodies and their ability to recover every day. Notice your thoughts as they tempt you to stray, and come back to breathing and gratitude. Make this a non-negotiable way to begin each and every morning. “Be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” Once that becomes habit, sprinkle it into your life. Whilst driving, working, exercising, meeting with others, incorporate slow breathing, gratefulness, and pausing into your everyday endeavors.

This is not a quick fix. With consistency, you will start to feel a subtle shift. Others will notice. Continue to pursue a sense of calm in the mundane corners of your day, and that will spill out into those difficult times that are guaranteed in this life.

Take charge of your thoughts and words.

The goal is not perfection. It is cultivation.